Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Reminder--What Makes Me Happy!

Oliver Helping Mom on the Computer

Alexander getting ready to go to Grandma's on Boxing Day with his new wagon.  
Oh, I've had one of those weeks where I'm just feeling like nothing is going right!!  One thing after another--even though they are all pretty much small things, it's wearing me down slowly.  Hmmm...  Come on 2012!!  I think I've been feeling a bit isolated here at the moment and all my friends seem to be away or MIA at the moment.  I also just got my wisdom tooth pulled out on Monday, which involved a lot more than I was expecting.  Plus, I would Really love for things to slow down with the farm work load.  My husband has been working every day since August and with the summer hours he does not come home until dark.  It's dragging on and on with one thing after another.  Usually he has some time in January and he'll spend the hot afternoons watching a little of the Australian Open on t.v. and relax.  He's so tired, I'm so tired that we just want to curl up and sleep for the next month.  In saying that though, he did say yesterday that he intends to make February home month, which means he intends to work on all the jobs around the house like the painting and cleaning up from the building that has not happened for the last year and a half!  We just have not been able to organize such events with the boys and the farm and everything that needs to be done on a constant basis.  At least if he is home we will get to see more of him!

I often read posts from friends on Facebook that are busy enjoying "date night" with their husbands.  No such luxury here.  Living so rurally, there is no one here that we can get to watch the boys at night--maybe soon when they are just a little bit older and not so much is involved.  But then, where would we go?  There is no where to actually go out on a date.  Hmmm.  Another one of those adjusting to life in the country when you are from an urban environment.  So, it has been over three years since we have eaten out in a restaurant.  Forget taking our kids out that would be a nightmare I don't want to imagine.  Instead we have had every meal at home, which means every meal must be cooked, all dishes must be washed, no breaks, no Sundays off, every day, day in and day out. 

I miss getting together with friends and having people to share experiences with and to have conversations/ discussions.  I started this blog years ago to help me deal with living rurally.  I wanted to be able to connect with people and friends back home, but I never really break out of my shell.  I'm still very much reserved in what I express even here.  I am like that in real life too.  I let others talk, I listen, I ask questions, but I fail to share much about myself.  I have a lot I could share with people, but I often feel that I don't want to interfere in other people's lives.  Don't know why, just always felt a bit like a lone wolf character without a 'pack'.  I really do want to get to know people, it's just hard for me to keep up sometimes. 

Anyway, there goes the phone, my husband calling to tell me that he won't be back until after nine tonight as he needs to get a bull organized to get picked up in the morning.  Ongoing, please tell me when it ends???

On the other hand, the main thing I want to focus on is what makes me happy.  Not that I really need a reminder, my boys are my angels that give me joy all through the day every day.  Yesterday, when I was feeling a bit down (major wisdom tooth pain mainly) Alexander grabbed my cheeks and said, "mama, I love you--I love you all the time."  This is from a not quite 3 year old!  He really knows how to make his mama happy.  My husband said to me, "I love you with all my heart."  The thing is he is not a man that believes in lip service so he really does mean it.  I have everything, although I do miss my mom, I wish she would come and visit us again;0 Reading this mom?? 

Dang teeth, make me all reflective and soppy.  I think "wisdom" teeth means we don't gain the wisdom until we get them all out.  I've got one left.  I wasn't wise enough to listen to my dentist and get them all taken out at once when I was 19!  LOL.  

10 comments:

Jamie @Terrabyte Farm said...

Hang in there, honey! I am sorry you are having one of "those weeks". We also live on a farm, although it is *tiny* in comparison to yours, only 13 acres. And, we are in New England, so very close to major cities. BUT, I still feel many of the things you are feeling. GOOD for you for reaching out. You don't have to carry all of this on our own. I am so glad to have "met" you first thru a swap on Flickr and then thru your blog. I felt like last fall was rough for me, just couldn't get my feet under me, one thing after another. It is crucially important to remember what is important (your lovely boys) but at the same time, sometimes you need to give yourself permission to feel down. I am sorry you are so isolated, that must be tough. Huge virtual hugs to you, mama!!!

kelly said...

i'm so sorry you're feeling lonely. It's a bad feeling. For what it's worth, I feel your pain. xoxo

Katy Cameron said...

Aww, man, sorry about the farm stuff taking over. Oddly enough though, you can get just as stuck in an urban environment with work taking over your life for months on end, it's just you get hijacked surrounded by shops you can't visit, and restaurants where you can only take advantage of the takeout service, which you eat at your desk, and get fat on because even the stuff from the noodle bar isn't entirely healthy, but you haven't time to make dinner... (this was where I was this time last year - literally 8 months of no break) Hope your friends return soon - schools and things must be due to return from the summer break soon right? And of course we're always here for a moan!

BaileyGirl5 said...

Your boys are so adorable! Little boys those ages are my favorite things in the world. I used to call my youngest my "little mascot" because he went everywhere with me and was always so excited.

I hope your teeth settle down and you get over your slump. You do have a lot of blessings so keep dwelling on them. I've been there with both and can relate. Glad you shared, it helps others when they feel the same way to know they're not alone ....

Di @ Willowbeck Designs said...

Oh I wish I could give you a hug. Some of the things you talk about resonate with me. I moved to the country when I married a country GP. I can remember the long days (& broken nights) on my own with my two small boys. You can have date night though. Cook a special meal (prep the day before as it spreads the pain), put the boys to bed promptly, open that bottle of wine and chill. It will get better but it may just not feel like it at the moment. Tooth pain doesn't help either. Hang on in there and let us know how you go. Take care. Di xo

Hollie said...

That has to be so difficult, being so isolated and having your husband working so much. I am sorry you're feeling lonely. But your boys are beautiful. I wish there was a magic wand I could wave to wash away what you're feeling right now, but you're not alone out there. I hope you start feeling better soon, and that you get to spend a little quality time with your honey. (And hopefully that your mom plans a trip to visit you soon.)

Marg M said...

I hope your teeth start to feel better and when your feeling yuck everything else is worse. Farms and distance here in Aus are beautiful but oh so hard so I hope things do start to feel better soon. Your priorities are everything so good on you and hugs and here's to better days.

Jeannette said...

Awe I am sorry you are having a hard time. I think we all get down and it is usually when we are exhausted and think there is no end. It is funny as I would love to be in your shoes living on a farm!! I have always wanted that and I always hear it isn't what i think it is ;-)

But you are so right the boys make it all worth it when they do the small things that bring it to our attention how blessed we are.

Hang in there & I hope you get a break soon!

Di @ Willowbeck Designs said...

Hi. How are you doing today? Been thinking about you. Hang on in there. Di xo

badlandsquilts said...

I found your blog from flickr tonight and so enjoy all your beautiful quilts. I had to comment on this post after empathising a bit with you. I grew up on a farm in the least populous county in one of the least populous states in the US (North Dakota)... I live in a larger city now but have small children with food allergies and family not near (so not too much going out here, either). Look forward to getting to know you and drooling over your fun fabrics! (love the SK & texts!)

Total Pageviews