Monday, March 3, 2008
Expect the Unexpected
I went to the doctor today and he is quite sure that I have trigeminal neuralgia. I go to Canberra this week to do a MRI to see if it might be a tumor or MS, so I'll just have to wait and see. It's a bit hard to get my head around this and how I am to deal with the pain longterm. We've been trying to get pregnant, so I had to reject going on a course of meds that will deal with the pain. Normal pain killers don't work for this so I'll just have to keep on living with the pain. They call it the suicide disease as many people do give up when they don't get diagnosed or find a way to deal with the ongoing pain. Funny that I did feel like throwing myself off the balcony last week. But, no, really, I wouldn't. In times like this I always remember when I used to live in Innsbruck, there was a wall next to the river Inn that someone had spray painted, "I'll Never Give Up" on. I used to walk by it nearly every day and when the river got high in the spring it nearly always covered most of the writing so that you could just barely figure out the words. It reminded me of someone drowning, hanging on and determined to survive. I am convinced that is the only way to live life.